“Scientology: Crazy Ideas, Crazy Wins”

by Joe Howard

There it is, the new PR campaign for Scientology, coming soon to a billboard in your town! We just need a way to siphon off some of the three-quarters of a billion dollars in the IAS war chest to pay for it.

That, by the way, is the totality of the campaign. It acknowledges the general public’s perception of Scientology, which immediately establishes the highest Reality possible, while letting viewers make up their own mind about the wins. They can dispute whether the wins are crazy or not, depending on which definition of “crazy” they choose to read into it.

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by Joe Howard
Sherlock Holmes and Dr, Watson are on a camping trip. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes up and gives Watson a nudge.

“Watson,” he says, “look up in the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions of stars, Holmes,” says Watson.

“And what do you conclude from that, Watson?”

Watson thinks for a moment. “Well,” he says, “astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter to three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Uh, what does it tell you, Holmes?”

“Watson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!”
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Say what you will about David Miscavige, there’s no arguing that the man is very, very clever. As demonstration of this, let’s consider the latest international push to turn every Scientology org in the world into an Ideal Org.

HCOPL 12 March 1975, Data Series 40, THE IDEAL ORG, describes just such an org. To quote the second line of the PL, “It would have enough space in which to train, process and administrate without crowding.”

The rest of the PL talks about the activities that should be going on within that adequate space. DM, one supposes, has taken it upon himself to see that the space requirement is taken care of around the world. Therein lies a stroke of genius. But to fully appreciate this masterstroke a little background is needed.

In past decades Sweden had a fairly buzzing Scientology field. It had orgs in its largest cities: Stockholm, Gothenburg and Malmö, and still does, though these orgs are nowhere near as busy as they once were. The Ideal Org program is meant to change all that.

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